Sunday, May 4, 2014

Lost. Found.

 Something about my previous post has been haunting me, and it probably doesn't matter, except to me. But I thought I'd explain where I am at as far as creating goes, only because maybe there's someone else who struggles with the same stuff.
 I learned fairly quickly that my paintings were not what everyone wanted, even though I enjoyed them to a degree...What I mean is-I don't think I'm a very good artist. I am not patient enough to do  realistic paintings, even though I really love looking at them. You know, like flowers, beautiful landscapes.
 I am mostly self-taught, but I've been drawing and painting and sewing for a very LONG time....
I feel like I'm not saying this too well. I guess what I've come to is that when I began piling up art in my store room because it was not selling at my Etsy shop, or did not sell at a little gallery or art show, I lost faith in myself as an artist, and just felt that I was actually pretty bad at art. I tried making the stuff everyone else was loving and buying, again and again-only to discover that I flubbed another time.
 If this sounds whiney to you, you aren't catching my real meaning. I HATE pity parties, even though I throw them for myself once a week or so, I work hard to make them short and I try to learn something from the struggle.
Perhaps this is just more blab blab blab, but to a person who sometimes feels like they are going to burst with ideas for creating and wanting to share it, and to make money as well-it's hard.
 What I was trying to say in the previous post is that I am tired of copying. What artists' really give to the world is their own view of something-it's their own story, and for that-it's beautiful.
I'm not so sure art journaling is helping me find the real me as an artist, or if it's just another try to copy what other artists are doing. I don't know.
BUT- I bought a good quality gesso yesterday, and I have a pile of Masonite boards I am going to do paintings on.
I have some ideas.
And they are just bursting to get out!
If you've read this far-you deserve some kind of medal! Thank you!!!


1 comment:

A bird in the hand said...

You are not alone! I think we all go through this... it's an artist thing! I learned that I must please myself first, and eventually those who love your work will show up. It can be a long process, though, and you mustn't get discouraged (look who's talking! heh!). xoxo